DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
