Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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