If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
