I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
