I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
