i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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