u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
