Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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