We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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