he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
