apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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