So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
