You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he puts the penis in happiness.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
