Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You can't just leave with hair like that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
