It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Less talking, more tequila
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
