you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
