If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
