dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
