i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
