Buhtt sex?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
