I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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