How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
