If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
