i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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