He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
