I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
