Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found the puke drawer
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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