Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
