And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
