Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
