dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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