Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
