his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
