Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
