Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
