god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
