New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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