my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
