Porn is love you can see.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
