A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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