she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
