Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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