in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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