I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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