also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
