Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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