Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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