Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
