remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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