I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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