thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
