Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
