I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
