I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
