her vagine was all disorganized.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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