At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
