yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just pee around me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My dick has a subreddit
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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