I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
