thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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