i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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