Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
