I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
