My brain says no but my pants say off.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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