Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
