Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
