I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
