We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
