Did you just see the Batmobile???
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
